Peter Heck is Intellectually Lazy

Is the Indy Star paying for Peter Heck’s column? Because if they are, they got ripped off by the installment in his weekly encyclical published on May 5. If I didn’t know better, I’d think Heck was in the bottom of a tequila bottle when he sent that one in. If you missed it (which you should), you can read it here (I linked to the Google cache version so you don’t put ad money in the moron’s coffers). Heck’s bio says he teaches high school history… I certainly hope he has higher standards for the research his students do than he apparently does for his column.

Fox Nation's Ten Core Axioms

Heard anyone decorate the phrase "politically correct" with an audible sneer lately? Sensed it when he or she said "PC" and wasn't referring to a personal computer? Then you've met a resident of the vast conservative echo chamber that calls itself Fox Nation. You know, cable-news junkies who get all their (mis)information from Rupert Murdoch's version of spin city, Fox News - or as some like to call it, Faux News.

We spent a few minutes not long ago listening to them slap each other on the back and compare horror stories about regulations run rampant and socialists in control of the country. Never mind that most of them couldn't pick out socialism on a two-choice multiple choice question... But anyway, we decided that they do have core principles (if you can call them "principles"), which require mindless adherence. By "mindless," we mean that any contradictory statement, no matter how well documented, is "a lie." 

Without further ado, here are ten (there are probably more, but thinking about them made our head hurt):

1. Barack Obama was born in Kenya and is secretly a Muslim
2. Al Gore claims he invented the internet
3. The mainstream media has a liberal bias
4. Snow in April proves global warming is a hoax
5. Actors have no right to talk about social issues, CEOs have every right to talk about social issues
6. A rising tide lifts all yachts
7. Ronald Reagan was a saint and the greatest president of all time - of any country!
8. The three most beautiful women in the world are Ann Coulter, Megyn Kelly and Sarah Palin.
9. The most evil billionaire in the world is George Soros. The rest of them are just peachy.
10. It is possible to deport every undocumented person in the country, and it won't cost the taxpayers a thing.

Know anyone who believes all of those statements with all his heart? Well, you've just met a resident of Fox Nation. 

Republicans are Fat People who Try to Kill Pedestrians

From the "You Could Look it Up" file...

In case you never noticed, twisted logic dominates political dialog. Take for instance the Texan who jumped the fence and wandered into the White House last week. Sayeth all those right-wing bloggers, "Does this White House get anything right"? No, I'm not gonna link it up and give some twit the additional stroke in search results... I'm still trying to figure out how anyone is dumb enough to try to blame a lapse in security on the people being guarded. Kindly enlighten me?

But if you want some twisted logic, I'll be happy to oblige. You can take this to the bank: Republicans are fat people who are still confused about the difference between "pedestrians" and "pederasts." Don't follow? OK, hang onto your hats - it's gonna be a bumpy ride.