The Idiot Report: September 30 2010

The Idiot of the Day for September 30, 2010 (Houston Chronicle Edition), is Michael Johnston of Humble, Texas. In response to Nick Anderson's editorial cartoon of September 29th

Johnston says in his letter to the Houston Chronicle that he'd "like to see a similar sketch called '2012 DNC platform' and showing Chris Matthews, Rachel Maddow and Keith Olberman standing on a platform labeled MSNBC."

WTF, Mike? Are you saying that MSNBC is paying Maddow, Mathews, and Olberman salaries while they campaign for the 2012 Democratic nomination for President? I may live in Texas, but I'm pretty sure I have yet to see any of the three's name on a bumper sticker, like the "Palin 2012" sticker my neighbor's monster pickup sports (right next to that "SECEDE" sticker). Do you not GET IT, Michael? It's not that Fox employs these four, it's that these four are running for office and Fox News happily provides them a soapbox - a "platform" if you will - from which they can spout their campaign rhetoric at will. That is the point, to which you're apparently blind.

Johnston's apparently just one more example of someone who was never taught critical thinking skills in school - probably a victim of a "no child left behind" education system, which Texas implemented in 1994 .

Why I Love Facebook...

FOAFs. That's why - Friends Of A Friend. They are so incredibly entertaining sometimes!

Yesterday one of my (few) facebook friends suggested that a couple of well-known figures should be marooned on a desert island in a sort of winner-take-all cage match. All was cruising along until a FOAF chimed in with the following:  Contestant #1 "...is an ass, tried to run me over one day at [street corner]. What kind of douche has a nice black Corvette and pays a driver? That kind..."

Turns out FOAF is a bike messenger, which calls into question any statement about someone "trying to run [him] over," but we'll let that slide.

FOAF then says, "I was on a bicycle making a delivery to civil court. After the C*nt tried to hit me, he double parked outside of the court house. Really shocking right?"

Okay. Deep breath.

First, you jackass, a man isn't a "C*nt." Second, you moron, the guy wasn't driving the car. I repeat, you stupid asswipe, you yourself just said that the man you called a C*nt "pays a driver." Look up there- you said it, you stupid ass! So who is it that's a C*nt? Seems to me your beef is with the driver, not the man in the passenger seat.  No, wait, I'm sure you heard the man in the passenger seat shout to the driver, "Get that bike messenger!" You know what bothers me most about this exchange? this moron gets to vote.

I guess this is all because "No Child Left Behind" teaches people how to take tests, not how to think. No wonder Republicans love the idea so much.

Another Day, Another Moron

Some years ago I lived in Tyler, Texas, a place I decided had to be the buckle on the Bible Belt. In three years, I never got used to one habit of the town's huge gaggle of evangelical Christians: announcing at every possible juncture that "I am a Christian" and/or "Jesus Christ is my Lord and personal savior." Yeah, right - didn't stop them from hating, committing adultery, and a lot of other sins. But that's another subject.

So what got me thinking about this is the habit of some people (perhaps the same people?) of injecting their politics into every possible conversation - and I mean every conversation. A facebook friend posted a picture of his new baby granddaughter a couple of days ago, and mixed in with the congratulations and oohs! and aaahs! over the little lady's inherent beauty was this gem, posted by some moron claiming to be Patty Mitchell O'Neal:

"So tiny and fragile. Keep up the fight against Obama so that she can live a good and decent life. That man has me scared. She is so precious." [italics mine]

Ummm, need I say more? Just who is it who has so poisoned our culture that some idiot thinks it's socially acceptable to scrawl this kind of vitriolic graffito on a picture of a baby? Now there is someone who has me scared...

Lord, please deliver me from this kind of mindless hatred.

Racism in America? You Damn Well Betcha.

The conservative blogosphere is simply aghast that President Jimmy Carter has had the unmitigated gall to say that part of the atmosphere of detestation and disrespect directed at America's first black president is thinly veiled racism. To some extent they have a point: the vitriol pouring out of their corner of the press and the internet seems fairly evenly directed at any politician who dares to be a Democrat, regardless of race, creed, color, national origin, sexual orientation, or any other metric of "how much you're different from me."

The conservative blogosphere, however, needs to get real and climb down out of their lofty manses to take the pulse of some real, red-blooded (and -necked) Amerikans. Even before Barack Obama was nominated, much less elected, racist jokes were already circulating. Here are two I heard from well-educated die-hard conservative professionals in the weeks leading up to the Democratic convention:

"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Eyes."
"Eyes who?"
(Step 'n' Fetchit-style caricature of Obama with speech balloon): "Eyes yo new President."

and

Q: "What does CHANGE stand for?"
A. "Come Help A Ni**er Get Elected."

Nope, ain't no racists out there - none at all...

The Un-Official Sarah Palin Dictionary

Have you seen the book Sarah Palin "wrote," Going Rogue, yet? Me neither. But I've read enough excerpts and seen enough (in fact, way too many!) reviews to pretty much figure out that America's only ex-GILF has done her usual job of casting herself in the best light while putting down anyone who disagrees with her (about half the country) or knows more than she does about the issues (more like 60%). Not certain who she got to ghost-write the weighty tome - it might have been Karl Rove, considering the slant.

Anyhow, Sarah and Ghostie have done a bang-up job of redefining about half the words in the English language. But, then, how better to claim that what you say is "true" than to redefine what "true" means?

So, without further ado, the un-Official Sarah Palin Dictionary:

agree: verb, quote the same talk-show host - Ann Coulter and I agree on immigration.
American: noun, someone who agrees with me - That Lou Dobbs is a great American, you betcha!
authority: noun, someone with a college degree (in any subject) who agrees with me - Jerome Corsi is a leading authority on the climate

badger: verb, expect an answer to a question - Katy Couric badgered me.
biased: adjective, disagrees with me - Katy Couric is biased.

climate scientist: noun, anyone with a "science degree" (c.f. Dr. Laura). NB: people with degrees in climate science are not climate scientists, they are biased (which see).
communist: noun, someone who disagrees with me - Barack Obama is a communist.
compromise: verb, do it my way (or don't do it at all) - I am willing to compromise on the health care plan.
conservative: adjective, right - Ronald Reagan was a great conservative

fascist: noun, someone who disagrees with me - Barack Obama is a fascist.
fact: noun, a statement, statistic, or opinion that agrees with me - It is a fact that I can see Russia from my front porch

idiot: noun, someone who disagrees with me - I don't care if Steven Chu has a PhD in physics, he's an idiot about science.

liberal: noun, anyone to the left of Ron Paul; adjective, wrong - That liberal Nancy Pelosi can take her liberal ideas on her liberal 757 and stick them in the liberal port-a-potty.
lie: noun, a statement, opinion, or statistic that disagrees with me - Obama is going to take away your guns tomorrow. Any statement to the contrary is a lie.

respect: verb, agree with  - I have the utmost respect for Glenn Beck.
"rino": noun, someone who disagrees with me - That Snowe bitch who voted to let the 'crat's health bill out of committee is a rino. We gotta knock her off in the next primary.

socialist: noun, anyone to the left of Ron Paul; adjective, wrong - Barack Obama is a socialist.
stupid: adjective, disagrees with me - I don't care if Paul Krugman has a Nobel Prize in Economics, he's stupid.

truth: noun, whatever I think or say - Katy Couric is mean, and that's the truth. pbbbbbbbbt!

un-American: adjective, disagrees with me - Barack Obama is un-American.
uninformed: adjective, disagrees with me - Katy Couric is uninformed.

More to follow as I'm reminded of 'em.